What's the FIRST STEP toward reconciliation with your Dad?

Ask God first!

I was on a podcast today and one of the hosts asked me “What’s the first step that you would recommend to people trying to reconcile with their Fathers?” My answer was that we need to treat a conversation with our Dad like any big decision in life. We need to prepare in prayer and by getting into the Bible intentionally.

When I pray and seek God for his wisdom for something significant, like a job change, I mark a specific set of time that I will be intentional about spending time in the word (and prayer) to glean from him. I’ve done it enough to know that sometimes it is clear to go one way or the other, and sometimes I can’t discern one way or the other. When I can’t discern one way or the other, I’ve come to realize that I can make the call. Since we are led by his Holy Spirit, and we can make mistakes thinking we’re hearing from the Holy Spirit, I think it is critical to spend time in the word of God to help discern well. The Bible says that the word of God is “living and active” (Hebrews 4:12), which means it’s going to move in us, and we will be able to discern all matters of life and godliness. On the flip side, if we are discerning ourselves without the word of God, we can get lost. We can get lost in our own emotions, feelings, and how our bodies respond to stress in certain circumstances. We can even be impacted by what we eat! It can be easy to get off track, which is why time in the word is so critical while we are praying for God’s wisdom.

There are many wonderful scriptures that encourage us to commit our plans to the Lord. Psalm 37:5 says, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Proverbs 16:3 says, “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” The more we depend on God for wisdom the more he supports us in our big decisions like talking with our Dads. We can ask him when, how, at what time, solo or with someone else, at a family gathering, on a walk, after dinner, and a slew of other questions, but the most important thing we need to ask him is if we should be doing it at all. This is too big of a decision for it not to be covered in prayer extensively, because he may tell you it’s not a good idea. For example, there may be a time when your Dad might be more receptive and God wants you to wait. A great scripture to keep you grounded as you seek the Lord is from James 4:17, which says, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” We seek God because we want to know that our decisions are in line with his plans.

I would encourage you to read through 1st and 2nd Samuel to see all the times David inquired of the Lord before proceeding on the many decisions he had to make. In 1 Samuel 23:1-3, 1 Samuel 30:7-9, and 2 Samuel 2:1-2 David asks very simple yes/no questions to God. “Shall I go and attack the Philistines?” “Shall I pursue after this band [the Amalekites]?” “Shall I go up into any of the cities of Judah?” These are great examples of the yes/no questions we can ask God about whether or not he is ok with us pursuing a conversation with our Dads. I would encourage you to pray a prayer like the following example and then commit a specified set of time to discerning whether or not it is God’s will for you to talk to your Dad.

Example Prayer: Dear Lord, I want to talk with my Dad. I understand more fully what my wound is and I feel like I can share it in a constructive manner with my Father. The Bible says I should commit my plans to you before I pursue them. It is my plan to talk with my Dad. Is that ok with you?

I look forward to sharing more with you again next week! Enjoy your weekend!

For the Kingdom,

-Matthew J. Wolak